It Ain't a Wonderland
by Lostspelunker
Summary: Sakura falls down a rabbit hole and finds herself in a land unlike any other. With White rabbit puppets and money-grubbing mice at every turn, can she finds her way back home? Rated T for language.
1. 1 To Jump or Not to Jump, or Why to Jump

Hi! Glad you could make it, grab a seat…somewhere…in your house…or wherever you're reading this…or you could stand, if you want to, not my problem…ahem.

This is my first fan fiction, so if you could R&R, that would be great.

Of _course_ I own Naruto and Alice in Wonderland…what's that? It isn't opposite day? Shit…never mind.

Anyways…I hope you enjoy!

* * *

_Cats and rabbits would reside in fancy little houses,_

_And be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers;_

_In a world of my own._

_All the flowers would have very extra-special powers,_

_They would sit and talk to me for hours when I'm lonely;_

_In a world of my own._

_There'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-dee-do birds_

_Everyone would have a dozen blue birds;_

_Within that world of my own._

_I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand._

_I keep wishing it could be that way…_

_Because my world would be a wonderland!_

**Be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.**

* * *

Sakura Haruno was taking a nap under an oak tree about a days run from her village, Konoha. It was understandable that she was tired, of course. She had just completed a solo A-rank mission, her first as a jounin.

Three missing-nin from Sunagakure were spotted on the border of the fire country, and Tsunade, Konoha's Hokage, had sent Sakura to apprehend them and return them to Suna. The mission had gone on without a hitch, and Sakura completed the mission quickly. How the three nin even had the courage to leave when they were so obviously weak was beyond her, but she wasn't complaining.

Still, three on one weren't great battle conditions, and they had depleted a lot of her chakra in the fight, so she decided to rest a bit before heading home.

Now, Sakura was not what you would call very curious. She did not care for mystery novels, nor did she get overly involved in other peoples lives, finding the act intrusive and rather boring. Whenever she had to spy in one of her missions, she just completed her assigned task and left, no questions asked. Once she had to stay with a lord and protect him while the rest of her team routed out the assassins who wanted him dead. The rumors and politics that circled his estate gave her several headaches. She wasn't sorry to complete _that _mission.

She used to like that sort of thing when she was small, and even now, one of her best friends, Ino, was still that sort of person, but as she got older, she realized that there were more important things to do, like training and learning. That why she was now a strong jounin whose medical prowess rivaled that of her shishou, Tsunade.

So it should come as no surprise when she did nothing as a white rabbit wearing a waistcoat darted past her holding a stopwatch, panicking over how late he was, and interrupting her nap in the process.

She slit open one eye as he hopped by, proclaiming his lateness, then went back to sleep. "Ahem." She reopened her eye to look up at the rabbit who now was standing directly above her. "What?" She asked.

Only the word didn't come from the rabbit. Instead it came from a man who was standing next to her across from the white rabbit, who she now noticed was a puppet, kept up with chakra strings coming from the mans fingertips.

He stared angrily down at her. She casually noticed his appearance wasn't to bad, in fact, he was kind of cute. He had bright red hair and gray eyes rimmed by thick lashes, which accented his pale skin. He was wearing a long black cloak with red clouds dotted all over it. On top of his head were two fluffy white rabbit ears. Sakura blinked and craned her head around. Yep. A white bunny tail was sticking out the back of his cloak. He scowled at her. "I'm already late, and you should know that I hate being late, as well as being kept waiting. So follow me now."

With that, he turned and walked away, only pausing when Sakura casually asked "Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just follow me," He grunted. (**A/N No prizes for guessing who he is**)

Sakura shrugged. She should be getting back to the village, but she _was_ rather bored, plus, how long could it take to see what a man in bunny ears and a bunny puppet wanted?

She got up and followed the rabbit man to a large tree with a large hole in it. Without looking at her, the "rabbit" strolled in and vanished. His puppet paused and glanced her, nodded, and hopped into the hole. Sakura stood there for a second peering down into the blackness, then with a deep breath, she walked in.

And began to fall.

And fall.

And fall.

And fall.

You get the idea.

After about three hours of screaming, Sakura noticed shelves full of food on the sides of the rabbit hole. Now, screaming is hungry work, so as she fell, she decided that she might as well fix lunch, so she grabbed some peanut butter, some jelly, and a butter knife.

_Lets see…bread…bread…where's a loaf of bread when you need one? _She thought to herself as she sailed down. She finally spotted several loaves on a shelf and helped herself to a few slices as she fell past. She had all of her ingrediants, so she ripped an empty shelf off the wall and used it as a cutting board. She soon had her sandwich assembled, and began to eat. "I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself," she thought as she fell.

After a few more hours, she landed softly on a pile of leaves. Don't ask me how; she _was_ a ninja after all.

* * *

_So Sakura finds herself in a rabbit hole under a tree. What's she going to do?! Review and find out!_


	2. 2 Can you swim?

HI! Thanks to **The Patchwork Cat **, **Inner Jashinist**, and **amaya-rain night-23** for reviewing, you guys are awesome. All you people who are reading and not clicking that awesome little button at the bottom of the page could learn a thing or two from them. Hint Hint.

I had won a contest, where I owned Naruto and Alice in Wonderland and all things related to those works of fiction. Mr. Kishimoto and Mr. Carroll were pretty angry…and then I woke up.

'Kayso, chapter 2. Sakura, wanna give a review of the previous chapter?

Sakura: Alright. I saw a bunny puppet, fell down a hole, and made a sandwich.

Me:…Can't you be a bit more elaborate then that?

Sakura: (_cracks knuckles)_ what was that?

Me: Great Job!

Sakura: Damn straight!

Itachi: Hn.

Sakura: Itachi! What the hell are you doing here? You haven't come into the story yet.

Itachi: Are you telling me what to do?

Sakura: Um…no….why would you think that? Hehe…

Me: Yay! Onwards with the story! たのしみなさい!（enjoy)

* * *

_After a few more hours, she landed softly on a pile of leaves. Don't ask me how; she _was _a ninja after all.

* * *

_

Sakura slowly rose and examined her surroundings. She seemed to be in some kind of hallway made of jaggedly carved stone. At the far end she could see a speck of light. Since that seemed to be the only exit, she crept towards it cautiously.

**NO! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! **Her inner screamed in her head. She rolled her eyes, sometimes inner really pissed her off.

She peeked around the corner as she reached the end, and gasped. There was a huge ballroom with marbled floors and perfect white walls broken by doors every few feet. The doors all ranged in size from enormous 10-foot tall behemoths, to so small, Sakura doubted a mouse could squeeze in.

There was only one problem: each and every door was locked.

Sakura glanced around the room worriedly. At the exact center of the room was something that had escaped her notice beforehand, when she was focusing on the walls and doors.

It was a table, made of welded iron bars, with a glass top. The iron was twisted in beautiful designs, with metal roses dotted sparsely within. All in all, it was a beautiful piece. Sakura cautiously approached the table. On it were two things: a glass bottle with a strange blue liquid inside, and a package of Twinkies. The bottle was emblazoned with the words **Drink me!** And the Twinkies had the words **Eat me!.**

Sakura was conflicted. On one hand, she could have the evil looking substance that could quite possibly kill her, but on the other hand, she could drink strange blue liquid. It was a tough choice. She glanced back at the table, and saw something else she had missed.

**That's it, you're getting an eye exam once we get out of here. **Inner muttered. Sakura didn't want to admit it, but inner might be right. She was a jounin, but she repeatedly missed vital pieces that could potentially help her. Especially since what she missed a tiny brass key.

She picked it up excitedly, and raced to the first door. She shoved the key in the lock, but it didn't turn. _Shit,_ she thought, as she moved to the next. Slowly, she worked her way across the room, her curses getting increasingly more colourful as she worked her way around the room.

Finally, the key fit in a door. The bad news was that the door was so small, that she could never be able to fit in it, no matter how much she squeezed. With a sigh, she went back to the table, and picked up both "food" items. She was rather thirsty, and as she tried to come up with something to help her situation, she unthinkingly took a drink from the blue liquid. Immediately she noticed that the tabled seemed to be rising until it towered above her. It took a few seconds to realize that the table wasn't growing, but that she was shrinking. When she stopped, she was about three inches tall.

Which means that she was the perfect size to fit in the door! Happily, she ran over to it, only to see that it was closed and locked. She realized that she had left the key on the table, and raced over to get, but the iron that the table was made of was slippery, and her chakra had decreased along with her size, and she wasn't even half way up before she was exhausted.

Jumping back down, she considered her situation. _Well, _she thought, _If the drink made me small, maybe the Twinkie will return me to my original size. _It was risky, but what didshe have to lose?

She took a small bite and held her breath in fear. At first, nothing seemed to happen, but then she noticed the tabletop coming at her, then shrinking as she rose above it. She grew and grew, and didn't stop growing until her head crashed into the ceiling. She winced, and brought her hand up to rub her head where it got hit, but since she was so unused to her proportions, she punched herself in the nose, and gave herself a bloody nose.

You know the whole deal about heat rising? Well, Sakura was lucky enough to experience that first hand. It was roasting up there. Within a few minutes, she was sweating profusely.

Large drops of sweat cascaded from her form, as she reclined against the wall. After a while, she remembered the keys, and used the nails on her pinky and thumb to gingerly pick up the scrap of metal. She then swallowed the rest of the blue liquid and shrank back down. Unfortunately, she had sweated more than she had thought, and when she stopped shrinking, she was swimming in a stinky vast ocean.

Suppressing her gag reflex, she started swimming across the pool. She soon heard some humming, and she came up on a mouse sitting on a raft counting money.

He looked up as she climbed aboard. "Hey," He said, "who said you could come onto my raft?"

Sakura raised an eye-brow at his tone. "Well, sorry, but I don't feel like swimming in a giant oily pool of bodily excretions." She replied angrily.

The mouse, who was covered almost completely in bandages scowled back at her. "You'll have to pay me then. I don't do anything for free, so pay up."

She blinked. "Sorry, but I don't have any money on me."

"Then why the hell should I cart you around?" He demanded.

"As an act of good will?"

He snorted. "Not a chance."

Sakura sighed, "Fine, how about an I.O.U.?"

He looked at her calculatingly. "20% interest."

"10"

"15%"

"deal."

They shook hands, which was hard for Sakura, because she was still treading water. He then pulled her out and onto his raft, and they drifted in the water for a very long time.

Finally, Sakura got bored.

"Where are we?"

"Slightly south of our destination."

"Which is…?"

"The shore, idiot."

Sakura looked up and saw that indeed, the were quickly approaching a sandy beach.

_Wait a minute. If we were in a room, then we flooded the room, how are we approaching a beach?_

**Oh, just go with it, **Inner replied. **What's the worst that could happen?**

_You know that when they say that in movies, something very bad happens right?_

**Your point is?**

When the mouse, whose name was Kakuzu, and Sakura finally reached the shore, they were surrounded by an angry mob of all sorts of animals who had fallen in Sakura's pool of sweat and wanted an explanation from her of why they were sweaty with someone else's sweat.

_Shit. _Sakura thought._ How will we get out of this one?

* * *

_

So Sakura and Kakuzu are trapped by angry birds, bunnies, and all sorts of ferocious bits of fluff. How will they survive? Find out in the next installment of It Ain't a Wonderland.

I'm sorry. That was unbearably cheesy. Feel free to berate me unmercifully. I regret my actions and beg your forgiveness. Yada yada yada…


	3. 3 Why Kakuzu Should Stick to Money

Hi everybody! I is back! With mys perfect gramer an sppeling!

I don't own Naruto or Alice in Wonderland...but I can dream...

* * *

When the mouse, whose name was Kakuzu, and Sakura finally reached the shore, they were surrounded by an angry mob of all sorts of animals who had fallen in Sakura's pool of sweat and wanted an explanation from her of why they were sweaty with someone else's sweat.

_Shit. _Sakura thought._ How will we get out of this one?

* * *

_

Sakura wasn't about to let herself be killed by a bunch of fluffy creatures, so she discreetly drew a kunai from the pouch around her thigh and clenched it in a tight fist behind her back. She glanced at Kakuzu to see what his plan was to get them out of this mess, and nearly fainted when she saw him sitting about ten feet away from her, filling out his tax returns.

"Hey!" She barked at him, "What about me?"

He glanced up, "What about you?"

"How are you going to help me from over there?"

"Who said I was going to help you?"

"The fact that I'll pay you double the negotiated price of the boat ride the moment I get my next pay check."

"Alright animals, what seems to be the problem here?" Sakura sweat dropped at how quickly he rose up and was by her side once more.

"We want to know why we're soaking wet," piped up a small frog near the front of the crowd.

"Why would you care if you got wet?" Sakura asked. "I mean, you're a frog, shouldn't you _like _to swim? I would understand if you were a chipmunk or a bird or something, but seriously, you're a frog. Frogs grow up in ponds and places like that…"

She trailed off under the glare she received from the frog. "For your information, young lady, I am a _forest _frog. I have never been in a _pond_ in my life, and I was quite happy that way. What are you saying, hmm? That all frogs look the same? Huh huh?"

He poked Sakura in the chest indignantly. "Really, I find that speciesist."

Gasps echoed throughout the crowd as he uttered that word. Sakura looked around confused. "Speciesist? What's that?"

"It's the worst accusation an animal can declare," Kakuzu said. "Under the basis that all animals are created equal, if one animal makes a rude comment about another animals species, things must be decided by a _caucus race._"

It was obviously supposed to be an explanation, but it left Sakura even more confused than before. **What the Hell?** Inner said. **These animals are crazy.**

_Says the voice that lives in my head, _Sakura replied sarcastically.

When she came back to reality, Sakura saw that the animals had constructed a rather large racetrack on the shore, and were steadily making their way to the starting line, stretching as they went. _Whoa, how long were we talking?_ She thought as she watched preparations continue.

"What are you doing still standing there?" Kakuzu demanded angrily. "You have to participate too!"

"In what exactly am I participating in?" Sakura asked blankly.

"I already told you, the caucus race."

"Umm…what was that again?"

"A way to dry off," proclaimed a passing heron.

"Wait, I thought it was to combat my speciesism."

"It is." Kakuzu said, eyeing her as if she were a bit odd.

"But he just said…"

"Racers take you starting positions!" A voice echoed through the beach, and all the animals hurried to their starting places, as well as Sakura, who was shoved by an annoyed Kakuzu.

"ON YOUR MARKS…GET SET…CAUCUS!"

The racers took off, running, skipping, hopping, and dancing their way along the track. It was utter chaos, because no animal seemed to actually get ahead, nor did they seem to want to. Sakura could have sworn that she passed a turtle at least twenty times in one minute as she jogged around. Which was rather hard to believe since she hadn't completed twenty laps yet. She looked a but more closely and saw that the turtle was taking two steps backward for every step forward!

_Well this is just ridiculous,_ she thought, but decided to think of it as a chance to exercise and build up stamina, so she went along with it. After about half an hour of solid running, the race ended, and all the participants gathered to hear the results.

"WITH MUCH CONSIDERATION ON OUR PART," the judges announced, "IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT WE ALL WON!"

A cheer went through the gathered animals at that. "GOOD JOB ALL AROUND. THAT IS ALL."

"Wait!" A brown hare shouted. "What about our prizes?"

"Yeah!"

"We won, so we should get awards!"

"I agree with the general consensus!"

Kakuzu nodded. "That is true. All should be awarded. Luckily, Sakura has volunteered to hand out prizes."

"I what?!" Sakura could barely get that out before the animals swarmed her. Pulling a forgotten tin of mints from her pocket, she proceeded to hand them out until all the animals had a mint, and was sucking on it happily. "Now a story!" Someone shouted from the crowd.

A happy murmer of consent swept around and Kakuzu stood, cleared his throat and said this:

"_There was once a farmer on a farm_

_With plenty of legs, but only one arm._

_His cruel wife cut it off,_

_In an attempt to cure his cough._

_Now the poor farmer had only legs,_

_But contented himself with gathering eggs._

_And his stupid wife was now stuck_

_With hard work galore, she was fat out of luck._

_But that's what you get when you're such a bitch_

_When you injure the cripple to whom you're hitched._

_And far up in heaven, three certain mice_

_Were laughing their heads off, hi-fiving Christ."_

A blank silence filled the crowd as he finished his recitation and sat down looking pleased with himself.

"Well…" said Sakura. "Wasn't that…nice."

Several animals muttered some random phrases, and the crowd started to leave quietly, afraid of hurting Kakuzu's feelings, but a bit afraid of his thought process at the same time.

**Seriously?** Inner said incredulously. **Of all the things that happened today, **_**that**_** was what freaked everyone out?**

_I suppose something's just aren't healthy, no matter where you are._

Inner snorted. **What the hell is that supposed to mean?**

Sakura mentally shrugged, and looked over at Kakuzu, who was muttering to himself about no one understanding his poetry.

"I guess its true what they say."

He looked up. "What is it that they say."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you trip into an open sewer a nd die."

He stared at her. "…?I don't know what to say."

"I'm just saying that things look differently to people not intimately related to your mind. Not enough to understand your poetry, at least." She added the latter as an after thought, as she reminisced about how the animals all seemed to understand each others insanity.

He shrugged and rose. He looked down at her and said, "I better be going home if I'm going to get enough sleep for work tomorrow."

With that he left, but when he was nearly out of sight, he turned back and shouted, "By the way, your bills now 200 grand, since you paid for all the animals tickets to my poetry recitations."

"Okay…WHAT???!!!!"

* * *

Whew. It's been awhile since my last update, but I just didn't really feel like writing...yeah.

Kakuzu's poem is my creation AND MINE ONLY. Unlike everything else in this story...

Anybody who gets the allusion in his poem gets a cookie. Hint: Shrek despises them.

You are feeling sleepy...verrryyy sleeeeppyyyy...you want to review this fanfiction...your mouse is moving to the review button....You will review this NOW.


	4. 4 Judge Me by My Size, Will You?

Hi, all! It's been a while yeah? Oh god, I'm starting to talk like Deidara. Thanks to **NOBODY** for NOT reviewing chapter three AT ALL, even though I begged and pleaded. Some readers you are.

Hmph.

Well, here's chapter four. This ones less crazy than chapter three…I think. Sorry it got kind of crack-ficy…crack-ficcy…crack-fiky…fici…whatever.

Need I say it? **REVIEW!**

**REVIEW!**

**DO IT!**

**NOW!**

I do not own Naruto or any of its incarnations. Nor do I own Alice in Wonderland. You just have to rub it in my face.

* * *

With that he left, but when he was nearly out of sight, he turned back and shouted, "By the way, your bill's now 200 grand, since you paid for all the animal's tickets to my poetry recitations."

"Okay…WHAT?"

* * *

Sakura stood there for a moment, watching Kakuzu's receding form vanish over the horizon. Inner was ranting in her head the thousand and one things she was going to do to Kakuzu when she got a hold of him next. _It's not like it really matters,_ Sakura reminded her. _It's not very likely that we'll ever see him again._

**But it's the concept that matters! We can't go around with a huge debt hanging over our head! Something must be done! Something painful, and illegal in many American states. And think of the fun we could have coming up with several themes of torture.**

_I wasn't aware torture had themes._

**Of course! There's medieval torture, modern torture, high tech torture, physiological torture, psychological torture, ancient torture, Asian torture, Indian torture, Russian torture, Native American torture…**

Sakura left inner to her mutterings and began to search the coast for an indication of where to go next. In the opposite direction, there was a forest much like the ones near Konoha, so she made her way towards it, in hope that she might be able to go home and rest. Of course, it only occurred to her when she reached the line of oaks that she was barely four inches tall. "Well, shit," she muttered as she stared up at the trees that towered over her small body.

With a shrug, she walked into the forest, treading softly and carefully around twigs and tree branches as big as normal trees at her full height. After a few hours of travel, she decided to rest under a nice shady mushroom and rest. Of course, the world wasn't about to let her _rest_, heaven forbid. She was soon interrupted by a murmured, "Excuse me," not half an hour into her nap.

She cracked open one eye, feeling a sense of _déjà vu _as she stared up at the person who had addressed her. But instead of a puppet and a person, she saw two bright red eyes staring at her from above the mushroom. She slowly rose, and the two eyes became a man with two creases under each eye socket and pitch black hair tied back loosely at the base of his neck. He was wearing the same coat that the puppet/rabbit/bunny-eared guy wore. _Come to think of it, Kakuzu was wearing one of those too. My spidey-senses are tingling._

Inner snorted. **Spidey-senses? Why are you so obsessed with such shitty super heroes? **(A/N: Inner Sakura is an entity that lives in my head and is her own person. The views of Inner Sakura are her own and not the views of the authors in any way. If this offended you, **go cry somewhere else you baby**. Oh no, she's got the authors note button! **That's right bitches, I'm in control now!**)

The man on top of the mushroom studied Sakura boredly from his fungusy perch. (**IS/N: What the f---? Who writes this shit? **Give the mike back Inner Sakura. **Never!) **Sakura cleared her throat uncomfortably under his stare. "_Who_ are _you_?" he asked after a while.

"Sakura Haruno."

"Hn." **(IS/N: What is it about gay emo dudes that makes every fan girl hot? I mean really. **I repeat: The views of inner Sakura are her own, and not the authors-**Quiet! I'm the author now!)**

Sakura twitched at his blatant dismissal of her name.

"Well _WHO _are _YOU, _then?"

"I don't need to introduce myself to one such as you."

_Okay this guys getting a beating. _Sakura thought to herself as she was yet again insulted by him.

She jumped up onto the mushroom, but stopped as she saw the rest of Itachi's body. From the waist down, he was a caterpillar. **(IS/N: Ha ha! Take that bitches! Not so sexy now is he! **Okay that's it!)

_**We interrupt this program to inform you of technical difficulties. Please enjoy some music as our problem is sorted out.**_

_**Please stay with us. You're patronage is appreciated.**_

_**Thank you for the wait. We're back on air.**_

(A/N: Due to grievous bodily damage, Inner Sakura will no longer be a character in this program. We regret the inconvenience.)

Sakura regarded the caterpillar man with unease. He regarded her with boredom. She was pretty much fed up with him, so she turned to leave. "Wait!" he called after her, "I have something important to say!"

She turned back to his slowly, distrust evident on her face. "What is it?"

"Keep your temper."

"Is that all?" She said quickly, swallowing down her anger as best she could.

"No."

She waited. He pulled out a bottle of nail polish and began painting his nails purple.

"You've changed haven't you?"

She looked at him, confused at his meaning. He sighed impatiently. "As in your size, foolish little girl."

"Oh, yes I have. It keeps changing on me, which is really irritating, if you know what I mean."

He nodded gravely. "What size do you want to be?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind being a bit taller, because four inches tall isn't exactly a great height."

She was trying to be more polite, because she hoped that he could help her. Of course, things were rarely that easy. He looked at her angrily, and rose to his full height, which happened to be four inches exactly. "I assure you that four inches is a wonderful height, foolish little girl."

"Stop calling me that! I told you my name is Sakura, not foolish little girl."

He "hn'd" once more, and began to inch/slither away, in a way that caterpillars have perfected over the ages, but called over his shoulder, "One side makes you grow, one makes you shrink."

"One side of what?"

"The mushroom, idiot."

"Oh."What is it with people calling back to me over their shoulder as they leave, to tell me things that should be told face to face?

* * *

You guys know what to do: Review. I want at least 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. That right, I'm resorting to threats.


	5. 5 To Rattle a Tweedle

Hi. Okay, I have some explaining to do, don't I? Well, I was having a really bad day, and I decided to take it out on my computer, A.K.A., you, the readers. So I posted the message about me canceling the series out of frustration, and here we are. I'm sorry. Really.

I want to thank **SeverousHermione **for reminding me that the notice was posted, because I kind of forgot...he he..whoops, my bad.

To make up for it a little bit, I made an extra long chapter for you! Yay!

Enjoy!

* * *

He "hn'd" once more, and began to inch/slither away, in a way that caterpillars have perfected over the ages, but called over his shoulder, "One side makes you grow, one makes you shrink."

"One side of what?"

"The mushroom, idiot."

"Oh." _What is it with people calling back to me over their shoulder as they leave, to tell me things that should be told face to face?

* * *

_

Sakura turned and regarded the large mushroom warily. She wasn't exactly an expert on mushrooms, but it looked as if it could be poisonous, and she didn't want to die of poison in this strange place so far away from home.

But then again, she couldn't stay four inches tall, no matter how content the caterpillar was with that height. Plus, she had just been laying under the mushroom for an extended amount of time, and if it was poisonous, shouldn't she have been a little affected by it?

With that thought in mind, she reached up and broke off two pieces of mushroom, one form each side of the mushroom's cap. She looked back and forth between the two pieces, debating which one she should try, since the caterpillar hadn't specified. With a mental shrug, she brought the left one to her mouth, and took the smallest bite she possibly could manage. Almost immediately, her neck began to stretch up and up and up until it broke through the tops of the trees.

A mother birds saw her and began to attack and tear at her viciously. "Stop!" she cried. "Why are you attacking me?"

The bird replied, "Because you are a horrible snake that going to eat my nest."

"But I'm not a snake! I'm a human being. Surely you can tell the difference?" Sakura tried to explain, but the mother bird refused to listen to her attempts at persuasion.

"Ha! I know what a snake looks like, and you are definitely a snake if I ever saw one. Now get away from my nest! I wont let you near my eggs! Get away! Away I say! Go on! Move!"

Sakura gave up on trying to convince the bird of her humanity, and ignored her constant squawking. She bent her neck down until she had access to her hands, and took a bite of the other mushroom piece in her right hand. She sighed with relief as her neck returned to its normal length. But she was still the same height as before. Now what was she supposed to do? Of course! She would try both pieces together! That was sure to work! With a deep breath, she took medium sized bites of each piece and found herself at a comfortable five foot four height (approx. 193 cm). _Good thing that worked,_ she though to herself.

Without further ado, she marched off through the woods.

A short time later, she came to a path. A sign on the other side had two tines. The one pointing left said "right way". The one pointing right said "left way". Sakura looked between the two choices and felt rather confused, which was becoming rather commonplace in this place. She decided to choose by eenie-meenie-miney-moe. She ended up pointing left, so she took that path, or, as the sign declared, 'the right way'.

After a while, she found the path blocked by two people standing side by side. Each was wearing the same cloaks that the others people had been wearing but were also wearing red and gold striped propeller hats. She was so entranced by the hats that she forgot to say anything, so the first one said, "If you think we're sculptures or something, you could at least pay to view us, yeah."

The other one then exclaimed, "Contrariwise, if you think we are alive, Tobi thinks you should say something to us. Tobi would, since he is a good boy!"

Sakura jumped, and then said, "I'm sorry. Would you please tell me how to get out of these woods? I really want to get home."

The two looked at each other and grinned happily. The looked exactly like mischievous schoolboys that Sakura felt a bit nervous at what they might be planning.

"Wrong, yeah.

The first thing you do

When you meet someone new

Is to say how do you do. Yeah."

"And then shake hands!" The second added excitedly. Or at least Sakura thought so, since the person had his entire face covered with an orange swirly mask, she couldn't be sure or what he was feeling.

Sakura felt a little annoyed at the two and said, "It's only polite if you two introduce yourself first."

"Contrariwise!" The masked one said. "Tobi thinks that since you were staring at us rudely for so long a time that you should become a good girl by introducing yourself first."

Well Sakura could hardly argue with that argument, so she introduced herself to the odd pair. "I'm Sakura Haruno."

The first one, who had blond hair in a high ponytail with bangs covering one eye nodded. "I'm Tweedle-Dei, yeah."

The masked one jumped up and down happily. "And Tobi's name is Tobi!"

With that his partner smacked him on the head angrily. "No, yeah! Your name is Tweedle-Dum, yeah!"

Tobi sniffed, "B-but T-t-tobi isn't dumb. T-tobi is a g-g-good boy."

"Dum, not dumb, you idiot, yeah. We're supposed to be Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, yeah."

Tobi…er, Tweedle-Dum cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "But senpai, you said that you were Tweedle-Dei, not Tweedle-Dee. Tobi thinks that you cheated and should apologize for being mean to Tobi."

"It was a pun, yeah!"

Sakura began to twitch. The pair were really starting to irritate her. She finally snapped and interrupted their argument. "Wait, we only started introductions. Weren't we also supposed to shake hands?"

Tweedle-Dum, his unhappiness forgotten, clapped his hands. "Yes, yes! We must shake hands to be properly introduced!"

With that, both Tweedles seized Sakura's arms and began to swing her in a circle, bellowing out Ring-around-the-rosy. When they exclaimed, "we all fell down", they threw themselves (and Sakura) onto the path, hitting the ground hard. "Ouch!" Sakura yelped, "What was that for?"

Tweedle-Dee grinned at her. "The only way for that to be a good song, and therefore a good work of art," he explained, "is if it ends with a satisfactory proverbial bang. All art is a bang, yeah."

"Plus," Tweedle-Dum added, "it's really fun!"

Sakura noticed that Tweedle-Dee was rather out of breath and asked, "Are you tired?"

"Not to much, yeah, but thanks for asking, yeah."

"Your welcome!" said Tweedle-Dum. "We should recite a poem for her. Do you like poetry?" He asked Sakura.

"Um…well…_some_ poetry," she said, remembering Kakuzu's poem. "But I would like it more if you told me a way to get home, or at least out of these woods."

"What poem should I recite?" Tweedle-Dum asked Tweedle-Dee, ignoring Sakura.

"_The Tale of the Farmers Horse_ it's the longest."

"If its really long, maybe you could tell me how to leave before hand," Sakura said quickly, but was once again ignored.

Tweedle-Dum rose to his full height and declared:

"_In the city, a farmer stood_

_watching his crop grow_

_by standing rigid in mid-street_

_tasting the new snow._

_His grass grew tall and verdant green_

_Making his lawn grey,_

_His only horse, a pink gelding_

_Used it as bitter hay._

_Then one bright day, as midnight struck,_

_A friend came to call_

_And shot the farmer in his back_

_They were not friends at all._

_The farmers gelding saw it all_

_Damn shame he was blind,_

_And so nothing was reported_

_(Not that I really mind)_

_And so the gelding was then sold_

_To an orphanage_

_Where all the rich folk left their kids_

_While they went to play bridge_

_The horse was used for pony rides_

_To punish the bad_

_Until one day when he collapsed_

_Though no one was quite sad._

_They honoured him by stuffing him_

_Right above the door_

_And there he was forevermore_

_Happily on the floor."_

"What did you think?" Tweedle-Dee asked.

"I really don't know what to say", Sakura replied. Switching to a different subject to avoid hurting their feelings, she said, "It's getting kind of dark, do you think that it's going to rain soon?"

Tweedle-Dum opened an umbrella that he seemed to have pulled out from thin air, looking up at the sky nervously. "I hope not," he said. "Tobi doesn't like the rain."

Sakura was rather tired of them, and turned to continue down the path. "Wait!" Tweedle-Dum yelped, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. "What's that?"

She looked over to where he pointed, while Tweedle-Dee held the umbrella. Under a nearby tree was a silver dented piece of metal. On closer inspection, she saw that it was a rattle, like what babies use to occupy themselves. She explained that to he, but he only seemed to get more distressed.

"Tobi knew it!" he wailed. "It's ruined!" He looked over to Tweedle-Dee, who flinched and hid himself under the umbrella.

"It's really not a big deal. No use getting worked up over an old rattle." Sakura tried to explain calmly.

"It's not old! It's brand new! Tobi only bought it yesterday!" Tweedle-Dum wailed. "MY BRAND NEW RATTLE!"

Tweedle-Dee was trying to close the umbrella, but it was so large that he ended up folding himself inside it. Sakura found herself rather distracted by his struggle. She was only brought back to attention when Tweedle-Dum said gravely, well, as gravely as he possibly could, "Of course you realize, this means war."

Tweedle-Dee, who had extracted himself from the umbrella when Sakura wasn't looking nodded, and both Tweedles marched off into the woods to come back with an assortment of pots and pans before Sakura could make her escape.

As Sakura helped tie Tweedle-Dum's helmet onto him (only it was rather like a sauce pan that for the wars purposes was being called a helmet), he asked her, "Does Tobi look pale to you?"

"Umm, a little." Sakura said.

"Tobi's usually much braver, but Tobi thinks he has a headache."

"And I have a toothache, yeah. I'm far worse off than you, yeah!" Tweedle-Dee interjected, having eavesdropped on them.

"Well, Tobi thinks that this war should be post-poned until Senpai's feeling better."

"Agreed, yeah."

And with that, both Tweedles locked arms and marched off down the path without a backwards glance.

Sakura stared down after them for a moment in confusion, but shrugged, accepting the turn of events as one of the many oddities of this world, and continued down the path to hopefully find a way home.

* * *

There, all done. Did you enjoy it? I hope so. The poem is dedicated to the aforementioned **SeverousHermione** for being awesome and crazy. Until next time!

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	6. 6 Do I Know You?

Hi! I'm back! So yeah, thanks to those that reviewed, you guys are awesome!

I don't own Naruto, Sakura, Akatsuki, Disneyland, It's a Small World ride, Jeff Dunham, you, me, this water I'm drinking, that pencil, Zeffron, the Twilight Series, paper, Japan, The phantom of the Opera, Music, Saturday Night Live, Ice cream, my computer (I think), that kitten, Tokyo Mew Mew, Shoujo manga, the colour pink, or frogs. Nor do I really want to. Okay, maybe Naruto and Saturday Night Live.

* * *

Sakura stared down after them for a moment in confusion, but shrugged, accepting the turn of events as one of the many oddities of this world, and continued down the path to hopefully find a way home.

* * *

As she followed the path, she began to hear muttering coming from ahead. Taking it as a sign that she was approaching civilization, she sped up her pace, soon coming to a fork in the road. And who should be pacing before the branch than the man with the puppet and rabbit ears. She paused about ten feet away from him, watching him warily, thinking that he might try to get to fall down another hole into a place even more insane than this.

As he paced, he took no notice of her, but continued on with his muttering and pacing. She slowly began to relax, sighing as nothing horrible happened, which is always a pleasant thing. But it wasn't long before she began to get rather bored with his continued rant about "lateness" and "his hat and gloves". She began to shift from side to side to wake up her feet, which were falling asleep. He seemed to notice that and jerked his head up to look at her.

"There you are!" he spat at her. "I have been waiting far to long for you to arrive. What took you so goddamn long to get here? Never mind, we don't have time to waste on your explanations. Listen, I need to go meet with the queen of hearts, but I forgot my hat and gloves back home, so I need you to go fetch them for me."

Sakura bristled at being addressed that way, and responded, "Why can't you do it?"

He replied casually, "Because I'd have to run home and back, which would make me have to run twice as far as I need to run now, which would also make me twice as late for the queens ball, but if you do it, then I would have them here and only be one time as late as I am now. Now get going, Chiyo!"

Nonplussed by his odd logic, Sakura was caught off guard by him addressing her by another name. "What did you call me?"

"Chiyo, do not be stupid today of all days. I do not have the time, now go get my things!"

_He doesn't recognize me,_ Sakura realized. _He thinks that I'm his housemaid or something. Oh well, might as well play along, I might get some clues as to where I am in his house._

She nodded at the redhead, saying, "Right away Mr.…you sir."

"It's Sasori."

"Right, I knew that. Ha ha, gotcha…"

He glared at her, and she took that as a hint to get going, so she darted down the path he indicated, heading full speed to his house.

She soon arrived at a rather quaint stone cottage with a sign saying "Property of Sasori. Keep away!"

_I think this is his house. Call it a hunch. _She thought to herself as she opened the picket gate that led to his front door.

She opened the door quietly, and crept inside. Even though she was a ninja, she still felt rather guilty about entering his house under false pretenses. She found herself in a modest entryway, with doors on either side of her leading to a kitchen, and a living room/den. In front of her was another door, closed this time. Curiosity itched at her to open the door and look in, just a peek. One side was arguing that curiosity killed the cat, and the other side was saying that the satisfaction of knowing brought it back. With a deep breath, she swung open the door. And gasped at what she found inside.

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Thank you. Back to the show.

Inside was a perfect remake of the It's a Small World ride from Disneyland. Complete with boats, and hand-carved little kids in multi-cultural outfits swaying back and forth or performing quaint cultural tasks like ice fishing or making tortillas. Sasori had obviously memorized the ride and remade it with the care that only the truly obsessed could muster. She quietly closed the door behind her, fearful of being caught and facing the wrath of puppet boy and his trusty sidekick, the rabbit wonder. She turned and walked her way into the kitchen. She hadn't had anything since the mushroom pieces, and she was very hungry.

She walked to the cupboards and riffled around until she found the ingredients for a simple sandwich. Once it was made, she decided to look for Sasori's items and hopefully a map or something that could help her. She went into his den, peeking around, ready to make her escape if she saw another puppet display. Luckily, nothing was there, and she easily found his gloves and hat stapled to the ceiling of his walk-in-closet. Unfortunately for her though, there was no map. In fact there was nothing useful at all to her. His DVDs were all Jeff Dunham collections and Pee-Wees play house reruns. His library just had guides on ventriloquism, carving manuals and techniques, and, oddly enough, the entire Twilight series.

She sighed and sat down at his desk, taking a big bite of her sandwich. Bad idea.

Remember the whole deal with food in this world, and how it makes you grow and shrink? Well, Sakura obviously didn't because she was very surprised to find herself growing, and the room shrinking on her. Before long, her head pressed against the ceiling. In a blind panic, she writhed around, trying to escape before she was trapped. But it was no use. She was well and truly stuck where she was. Luckily, she didn't grow much bigger, or she would have destroyed poor Sasori's house.

Right on cue, she heard him walking up, muttering, "I'm going to kill her for making me late. How long could it take to find some gloves? I left them where I always do."

She heard him try to open the door, but her elbow was wedged right up against it, and it opened inwards, which was not good news for Sasori. "Humph, stupid bitch must have locked it, I'll have to get in through the window."

Well, understandably, Sakura was quite incensed at being called a stupid bitch, so she waited until she heard him opening the window, and shot her arms out, knocking him away. There was quite a bit of satisfaction in her as she heard a small shriek, and the tinkle of breaking glass.

She then heard Sasori call for a man named Pat, asking him, "What do you see in my window, Pat?"

"Well, it seems to be an arm, Sasori." Pat replied.

"…yes, well, it has no business there, so take it away."

Sakura heard no more but whispers. She started to feel rather bored and left out, so she made another swipe by the window and was rewarded with two shrieks and more breaking glass.

After a while, she heard more and more people approaching, saying things like "Where's the ladder?" "George has it." "Here's the ladder." "Who's going to go onto the roof and climb down the chimney?"

Sakura stuck her foot, conveniently place by the chimney far up it, and waited until she heard the unlucky George climbing down. Gave him a hard kick, and that was the day when the lowly field mouse George became a beautiful star in the sky. People gasped and clapped at his ascent until he was just a little sparkle. To this day, they say that if you find yourself alone on the anniversary of his launch, you can still hear his screams.

Well, the animals didn't like the thought of being launched into space, so they started picking up stones and hurling them at the house. Oddly enough, when the stones hit the floor of the house, they became small round cakes. Still hungry, Sakura decided to eat a few. Luckily, instead of growing, she shrunk down until she was her normal size. Taking that as a que to leave, she ran from the house, dodging the animals still occupied with pelting the house, and ran back into the woods.


	7. 7 I'm No Babysitter

Hi people! Heres chapter seven, hot off the presses. Enjoy! thanks to the reviewers. Lets see if we can get an even twenty before chapter 8, 'kay? Thanks!

I owned Naruto at one time, but I felt it wasn't going anywhere, so I sold it to Masashi Kishimoto. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

* * *

Well, the animals didn't like the thought of being launched into space, so they started picking up stones and hurling them at the house. Oddly enough, when the stones hit the floor of the house, they became small round cakes. Still hungry, Sakura decided to eat a few. Luckily, instead of growing, she shrunk down until she was her normal size. Taking that as a que to leave, she ran from the house, dodging the animals still occupied with pelting the house, and ran back into the woods.

* * *

When she could no longer hear the animals, Sakura slowed down with a sigh. The day had been crazy, and she felt like she had been up for more than twenty four hours, but it was still light out. With a deep breath, she forged ahead, walking until a gate stopped the path she was on. The gate was dark iron and was surrounded by stone wall on both sides. Sakuras heart leaped, in the hopes that there might be someone inside who might help her.

Inside, she found a young woman holding a wailing infant, seated at a small table in a beautiful garden. The woman looked up as Sakura approached and smiled softly. "Hello Sakura," she said quietly.

Sakura didn't say anything back. After everything that had happened, she wasn't the least bit surprised that this woman knew her name. The person seemed to know this, so she turned to face the giant cauldron previously hidden by her skirts. She was wearing dark blue skirts almost completely covered by a winter jacket. Her hair was a blue that was similar to the colour of her skirt. Her eyes were a pretty pale grey without pupils. Leaned over to the cauldron and dumped a cup of pepper into it.

_That's way to much pepper_, thought Sakura to herself. It was so much that Sakura could barely avoid sneezing wildly. The woman and the baby were certainly affected, since both were achoeing nastily. The only one not affected was a black and white cat sitting in the corner, grinning from ear to ear. "Why is your cat grinning so much?" Sakura asked, hoping to distract the woman from her sneezing.

"H-he's a Cheshire c-cat, that's w-why." The woman replied.

"I wasn't aware Cheshire cats grinned. Hell, I wasn't aware that any cats grinned." Sakura said in surprise.

"Th-then you r-really d-don't know much, d-do you?" The woman said. "And th-that's a fact."

"Duchess," another young woman walked in at that moment. "Is the soup ready?"

"I-I believe s-so." The duchess replied.

The woman nodded and immediately moved to take the soup off the heat. Once it was off, she took the opportunity to start throwing everything at the duchess within reach. Everything from the soup ladle, to garden shears was flung at her. The oddest thing was that she seemed to take no notice of the flying objects, even when they hit her. The baby was crying so hard that it was hard to say whether the objects hurt it at all. Sakura moved forward to protect them, shouting, "What are you doing?" to he woman doing the throwing.

The duchess apparently thought that she was going to protect the baby, so she threw it at Sakura, saying, "Here, if y-you wish to nurse i-it, go ah-head." She turned and began to hurry away, only pausing long enough to say, "I m-must go get r-ready to p-play croquet w-with the queen."

Sakura caught the baby with some difficulty; since it writhed in mid-air and stuck it's arms and legs out at odd angles. _Now what? _She thought to herself. _If I leave it here, it'll probably be killed. Would it be murder if I left it behind?_ She looked down at the bundle in contemplation. It seemed to sense her gaze, and shifted and grunted up at her.

"Well," she said, "If you're going to become a pig, then I wont have to worry about protecting you. Think about that!"

The bundle didn't move, so she peeled away the blankets to look at the baby, only to find that it was indeed a pig. With a shrug, she set it down. It trundled off into the woods through the open gate without a second glance back. She cocked her head after it, and decided to follow it. When she exited the garden, the gates clanged shut behind her, and locked themselves. _Well, looks like that option's out._ She thought, glancing back. When she turned around to look for the pig, she saw it was gone, but the Cheshire cat was sitting in a branch of a nearby tree, grinning at her.

"Hello Cheshire cat," she said.

He was a rather odd cat, split almost perfectly down the center, with one side pure white, and the other pitch-black. He grinned again, "Hello little girl," he said back.

Sakura jumped in surprise, though by now, she really shouldn't of been so shocked. She blinked at him, and when she looked at him again, he was suddenly humanoid with cat-ears and a tail. However, he retained his colour split of black and white skin. "Really, by now you shouldn't be shocked by anything here. **You idiot, take a picture, it will last longer."**

Sakura blinked. For a second there, she thought that he ad the same problem with a dark side as her. _Speaking of, where is Inner?_ She thought. She shrugged, if it was that important, she would have been more worried, but Inner was always vanishing and reappearing randomly.

"I was wondering if you could tell me where to go from here," she said, since it was the truth.

"Well, that depends on where you want to go. Down that way lives the March Hare," he pointed left down the path. "**And that way lives the Mad Hatter.**"

"Well, I'm kind of tired of mad people," she said, turning left.

The cat chuckled. "**By now you should have realized that we're all mad here."**

She glanced at him, but he just grinned at her innocently. "Well, this has been fun, but I'm going to see the duchess' match against the queen. **I like it there because there is always some poor fool recently beheaded for us to eat." **Sakura shuddered at his tone and glanced at him to see if he was joking. He wasn't."Maybe I will see you there," he said to her, grinning once more.

She blinked, and he was gone. She immediately decided that he was the creepiest one she'd met so far. With a pang, she realized that he was wearing the same cloak all the others had worn. She resolved to ask the next person she saw about it, and set off down the path to the March Hare's house.

* * *

Yeah, I know Hinata's not in Akatsuki, but I needed someone for the roll, and I was running out of characters. DON'T HURT ME!

On another note, I'm considering bringing Inner back in for colour commentary. Please out in thoughts on this in you reviews.

Review! Now! Do it! Now! You hear me! Do it! Review!


	8. 8 The Ravens not an Author

Come one, come all to the most amazing show on Earth! Not really, but if you want you can refer to it as such, good PR and whatnot...

Lostspelunker grows weary of her demanding fan base. Every single chapter means one more review! Can you guys give me some time to clear my inbox? (Note the subtle yet effective sarcasm implemented by the author.)

To own Naruto or not to own Naruto, that is the question.  
To kill, to maim, the author at the end of the story and take ownership,  
This is the dilemma that I face.

* * *

She blinked, and he was gone. She immediately decided that he was the creepiest one she'd met so far. With a pang, she realized that he was wearing the same cloak all the others had worn. She resolved to ask the next person she saw about it, and set off down the path to the March Hare's house.

* * *

_Why does every chapter seem to start with me walking down a path? _Sakura wondered to herself as she walked towards the house of the March Hare.

**Because it's convenient for the author to end the previous chapter at a place that is a good stopping point, idiot, **Inner said.** Personally I think it's sheer laziness on her part to not come up with more interesting endings, but she insists in it.**

_Inner! _Sakura said in surprise. _Where have you been for the last couple of weeks?_

**I took a…vacation. **Inner said uneasily, obviously avoiding the topic. (**I/S/A Note: I was certainly not avoiding the topic you moron! **Insulting me is just going to get you thrown out and smashed up again. **You didn't throw me out! I went to a spa on paid vacation as a bribe not to steal the author's mike anymore!** Hush, the readers think I'm tough. **What? You lied to them and said you beat me up? **…I didn't say it explicitly…**But it was implied wasn't it? **Maybe…**Oh hells no. You're so going down. **I'm sorry! Don't hurt me! **Say it! **INNER SAKURA IS TOUGHER THAN ME! ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE! I'M AM JUST A TOOL FOR HER TO USE TO MOVE THE STORY ALONG! **Good girl, you get your Naruto plushy back. **Oh thank god. _Believe it! _He's okay. He's okay. [_At this point in the story, the author's curls up in the corner rocking back and forth and repeating the '_He's okay_' use your imagination, because I don't feel like going into detail…sniff] _Dude, that was harsh. **What the… Iruka, what are you doing here? **I dunno, I got bored; I'm never in any fanfics anymore. **For a reason! Shoo! Nobody likes you! You're only for disrupting action scenes now! **That hurts you know…**) **Sakura cleared her throat. (I/S/A Note: W**h**a**t**?) "Can we return to the story now?" Sakura asked impatiently. (I/S/A Note: Oh right…go on)

Sakura shrugged, accepting Inners answer. She continued down the road. Before long, she started to hear loud music and a ruckus up ahead. Mentally bracing herself for more insanity, she was not disappointed to find a large table half-hazardly set up in the front lawn of a tumbledown shack. On the table was a eccentric assortment of many dishes, and platters, and cups, and maps, and books, and tissue boxes, and pencils, and pens, and cans, and calendars, and tires, and statues, and balls, and clothes, and…(I/S/A Note: **Get on with it already!)** all manners of objects you could possibly ever look for. All around the table were a carnival of chairs. Arm chairs, swivel chairs, tall chairs…(I/S/A Note:***Cracks knuckles***…right…)…enough to probably seat a kings entire army.

At the head of the table were two men, each sipping a cup of tea and playing racquet-ball with one hand, which was what was making the ruckus (the racquet ball, not the tea-sipping). Sakura, grateful for the rest, sank into a poufy armchair at her end of the table. One of the men glanced up and said, "There's no room for you here."

Sakura sat up straighter. "What are you talking about? There's plenty of room."

The second also glanced up and studied her. "Why is a raven like a writing desk, bitch?" He asked her with a puzzled look.

Sakura scowled back at him. "That's new, now instead of poetry, it's riddles."

"Does that mean you know the f***ing answer?" He asked her. At this, his companion, who was the Mad Hatter, Sakura guessed, due to his enormous hat, glanced up and stared at her in interest.

"I think I can guess it." She snarled, since she was rather good at riddles, plus she wanted to prove that he was wrong in calling her a bitch.

The one who spoke, most likely the Mad Hatters companion, the March Hare, continued, "Then you should have just said that right out, moron. Say what you mean."

"I did," Sakura said, defending herself. "I said what I thought at the moment, which was a comment on your riddle. Then I said that I would answer it. I always mean what I say."

"You might as well say that 'you breathe when you sleep' is the same as 'you sleep when you breathe'." A small form that had been hidden by a pile of Thesauruses, thus escaping Sakura's attention previously, said. On closer inspection, she saw that it was a young man with mouse ears and a black pineapple hairdo slumped over the table, sleeping soundly, or so it appeared.

"Then why the hell haven't you answered yet?" The March Hare asked her as if the mouse boy had never even spoken.

"Because I don't know the answer yet! You haven't given me enough time to guess!"

**Do you really have to justify yourself to these insane people? **Inner muttered at the back of her head. She shrugged it off and thought about the question.

"Then you don't know the answer?" The Hatter seemed disappointed.

Sakura gave a frustrated sigh. "No! I don't know the answer yet! Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"We don't know, stupid, we were f***ing hoping you would," The Hare said. "Why else would we ask you?"

Sakura moved to their side of the table, ready to give them a piece of her mind when she was confronted with a cup of steaming tea. "Have some more tea," the Mad Hatter said.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I didn't have any yet. I can't take more."

The March Hare clicked his tongue. "You mean you can't have less," He said as if pointing out something to a toddler. "It's very easy to have more than nothing."

Sakura was rendered speechless at their impossible logic. **I thought that you were immune to the insanity of this world by now. Shouldn't you just go with it?** Sakura nodded, taking a deep breath and accepting the proffered cup of tea.

"So, what are you doing besides playing racquet ball and finding out why ravens are like writing desks?" She asked, glancing between the two awkwardly.

The March Hare was very tall; standing, he could be at least six and a half feet in height. His skin was also very pale. The Hare's hair was a odd geryish, that was slicked back across his scalp, and his eyes were a dull pinkish red.. On top of his head were the prerequisite bunny ears, but unlike the White Rabbit, his were brown.

The Mad Hatter was shorter than the Hare, hell, anyone not in the NBA would be, but he was taller that Sakura, hell, anyone not a member of the lollipop guild would be. His hair was a bright orange, and his eyes were a grey that seemed to make rippling circles in his irises. The oddest thing about him was that he was covered in metal piercing covering his face and ear. _He really is mad to shove all that metal in his face. _Sakura thought. **I kind of like it, **said Inner.

The hatter spoke while she was staring at him, startling her. "We usually drink tea and celebrate."

Sakura, intrigued, asked, "Celebrate what?"

"We celebrate finding the answer to riddles."

"How?"

"By giving me a piercing."

"…Well, this has been fun, but I'd best be off."

The two insane people waved her off as she walked away, confounded and with a slight headache.

Thank you to all my reviewers for finally reaching 20 reviews!

**Kunoichi-wolfDemon**

**Winterkitten**

**AkaEyes x2**

**62 x4**

**Girl in your Closet**

**SeverusHermione x2**

**xXBlueDazeXx x2**

**-Lovely-Ice-**

**itachirulez**

**Freak-show101**

**The Patchwork Cat x2**

**Amaya-rain night-23**

**Inner Jashinist**

All of you guys are awesome and I love you…in a platonic kind of way…Especially those that reviewed multiple times…yeah…

In case you didn't guess, I/S/A is Inner Sakura/ Author notes.


	9. 9 Insert Witty Chapter Title Here

I'm sorry it took so long for this to be up. I wish I had some excuse like, I was involved with theFBI as we raced against the clock to solve a crime that spans back nearly a hundred years, but alas, I was just lazy. Then I had a run in with my arch-nemisis, writers block. Then I was lazy again. So...yeah. As an apology, here is my chapter, plus I revised the last one. I was reviewing my notes, and I realized that Kisame wasn't supposed to be the March Hare. Oops, my bad, so if you're following along update to update, then you should go back and re-read chapter 8. If not, you would have never known that I went back had I not told you. Let that weigh on your conscience for not clicking on my story sooner! Mwahahaha! Who knows what I have changed forever and not told you about! Ahem, anyways, enjoy.

* * *

I shudder to think what would happen to Naruto if I or any other fan got ahold of the rights to Naruto.

* * *

The hatter spoke while she was staring at him, startling her. "We usually drink tea and celebrate."

Sakura, intrigued, asked, "Celebrate what?"

"We celebrate finding the answer to riddles."

"How?"

"By giving me a piercing."

"…Well, this has been fun, but I'd best be off."

The two insane people waved her off as she walked away, confounded and with a slight headache.

* * *

Once again, Sakura found herself walking down a path from a place she'd rather not be to some undisclosed location. As she walked she hit herself over the head many times, for the people were wearing the red cloud cloaks, and she had broken her promise to herself to ask about them. **Don't worry about it,** Inner said after a particularly painful bump. **The red cloaks seem very common in this world, so it is obvious that we will see another of them.** _Yes, but_ _I want to know now! _**Who are you Violet Bouregarde? **_What does chewing gum have anything to do with the current situation? _**I thought she was the one who always complained to her parents and was spoiled. **_No, that's Veruca Salt. Violet is the one who chewed that gum all the time and stored it behind her ear. _**Blah blah blah, whatever. The point is, stop whining, you're giving me a headache. **_We share the same head,_ _the headache's from the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. _**Stop contradicting me.**_ I am not! I am simply proving a point! _**There you go again! **_Again what? _**Contradicting me! **_When? _**Just now! **_I don't recall contradicting you. _**Stop bull-shitting me, you just did! **_Did not. _**Did too. **_Did not. _**Did too. **(At this point in the argument, the author grew tired of writing of the childishness of Sakura and Inner Sakura, so please enjoy this debate on the meaning of life by two Harvard graduates.)

"I say, Barnaby, I completely gainsay your conjecture that man was devised for the sole basis of capitalizing space peregrinate. It is simply at variance with my postulation that man is destine to harrow into the loam."

"I am sorry, William, but I cannot cohere to the presupposition that the bald gumbo of this celestial body is the true domicile of man. We are ordained to reconnoiter out into the uttermost reaches of infinity and bring to light things we on no account conceived of, just as our forbearers dreamed of this bijou globe."

"Ah, but Barnaby, you just controverted yourself. We have yet to discharge the undertaking of surveying our complete spheroid like our forefathers coveted. While we are cognizant of the veneer, we have yet to truly fathom what is sited just below the finish."

"I do declare, you may be on to something William."

(Thank you, the author has regained her sanity.)

After a long argument, Sakura and Inner Sakura decided that their energy was better spent on finding their way out of the situation at hand. (A/N: Well, maybe the author wishes to be a bit more mature. **Ha! Not likely. **C'mon, stop acting childish, just for this one time. **Never!)**

"You know," Sakura said, interrupting her argument with Inner, "I've been here for a while now, and you know what I've never noticed before?"

**A big honking castle? **Inner said. "A big honking castle smack dab in the middle of the horizon." **Well, why don't we head there? It's the obvious choice. **"I don't know. It could be dangerous." **What the hell? Aren't you a freaking Jounin? You **_**invented **_**dangerous. **"Oh…right."

With that, she plunged into the woods on the side of the path she was on and marched off towards the castle. When she reached the wall, she climbed…err…walked up the side like she had learned all those years ago with Kakashi, the dobe, and the teme. She paused at the top to watch the bizarre sight the confronted her. She was looking at the castle garden, as evidenced by the many bushes and flowers spread across the sprawling arena. This was not the odd part, in fact. Many figures shaped like playing cards rushed about between several rosebushes with bucket of paint, slathering red on all the white blooms. As she listened, she could hear them speak to each other, saying "We're painting the roses red, and many a tear we shed."

At thus, one card (she was too far away to see which) said, "because we know..."

"They'll cease to grow..." another added.

"In fact they'll soon be dead," finished a third. At this, they all sighed dramatically, but then shrugged and continued with what they were doing.

Sakura hopped down and went over to one of the cards, the Three of Hearts and tapped him on the shoulders, which was hard, since he towered over her. He jumped and whirled around and looked around for her, but since he was so tall, or she was so short take your pick, he didn't see her until she cleared her throat. Of course, since all of the cards were chanting "painting the roses red" over and over at the top of their lungs, it took a few coughs to get his attention.

"Pardon me, but Mr. Three, why must you paint them red?" At this, all of the cards spun around to stare at her with shock and confusion on their faces. After a few moments they all said "Ohhhh!" at once, like they had just figured out what she was asking.

The Three of Hearts bent down and said, "Well, the fact is miss, we planted the white roses by mistake. And…" he trailed off, looking embarrassed. His skin and hair were a pale blue, with his hair just a few shades darker that his skin, and as he blushed, he turned a pale purple, and he grinned a small grin, exposing rather sharp looking teeth that looked like they would better suit a shark. All the other cards, seeing his embarrassment, chimed in. "The queen, she likes them red. If she saw white instead…"

"She'd raise a fuss…" said the Four of Clubs.

"And each of us…" chimed in the Ace of Fish

"Would quickly lose his head." They shuddered together.

"Goodness!" Sakura said in shock. They nodded sadly at her shock.

"Since this is a thought we dread, we're painting the roses red." They all explained.

"Oh well, then at least let me help you," she said, grabbing a bucket of paint with a small smile. **Oh come on, said Inner, **bemoaning Sakura's choice. **It's really not necessary to do that. **_But look how happy they are, _she argued. Indeed, the deck of cards looked heartened by her volunteering to help them. Inner grumbled a bit more, but said nothing else. Sakura smiled at them, and began their chant of "Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red" and they slowly joined her until they were nearly done. "Don't tell the queen what you have seen or say that's what we said," they asked her. "But, we're just painting the roses red."

"Yes, just painting the roses red."

"Not pink," shouted the Nine of Swords.

"Not green," said the Three of Hearts.

"Not aquamarine," Finished Sakura, adding an extra flourish to her brush stroke.

"We're painting the roses red!" With that, the final rose was finished, and they all began to gather the empty paint cans for discrete disposal. Suddenly, trumpets began to blow a fanfare, and all of the cards gasped, and threw the paint cans wildly to the side, into some bushes. Confused, Sakura looked around, until the Three of Hearts pulled her into a row with all the other cards. He leaned down and explained to her the Queen of Hearts was approaching, and that if she was near, it was a rule that all stand at attention. At her close quarters, Sakura saw that the Three was not of Hearts, like she had originally assumed, but of Clouds. The same red clouds that adorned the cloaks that everybody seemed to wear. She was about to ask him what it meant, but he clamped his hand over her mouth and jerked his head towards the entrance to the garden. And there stood the Queen of Hearts.

* * *

Oooooooohhhhh a cliffie, I'm evil today. And I'm leaving on a trip to a place with no internet, and not even a computer to write on, so you''l just have to wait for another few weeks or so. *insert evil cackle here*

Review, and maybe I'll start the new chapter on paper and upload the second I get back. Or not...

I'm getting near the end of this fanfic, and I want to know, would like to ending to be split up into one long chapter that might take awhile to write and edit, or two smaller chapters that would come quicker, but be less satisfying? Tell me in a review. And if you don't care one way or another, review anyways with your thoughts and feelings, or flames, or random words like coconut or spicy food or tongue. Basically, just review please.


	10. 10 Croquet, Anyone?

Hey all! Glad to see. Hope your not too mad, it's only been...2 months since I last posted. Wow. Okay, you're allowed to be a little angry. Go ahead, I give you permission. Are you done yet? Good.

Any way, your thoughts on the last chapter were noted and disregarded in the same thought. So, to drag out the story, and because I wanted to get what I had written out so as not to sadden you any further, I have here, the legendary Chapter 10, the penultimate chapter. (Or perhaps not, you never know with these things.)

* * *

"We're painting the roses red!" With that, the final rose was finished, and they all began to gather the empty paint cans for discrete disposal. Suddenly, trumpets began to blow a fanfare, and all of the cards gasped, and threw the paint cans wildly to the side, into some bushes. Confused, Sakura looked around, until the Three of Hearts pulled her into a row with all the other cards. He leaned down and explained to her the Queen of Hearts was approaching, and that if she was near, it was a rule that all stand at attention. At her close quarters, Sakura saw that the Three was not of Hearts, like she had originally assumed, but of Clouds. The same red clouds that adorned the cloaks that everybody seemed to wear. She was about to ask him what it meant, but he clamped his hand over her mouth and jerked his head towards the entrance to the garden. And there stood the Queen of Hearts.

* * *

Sakura blinked as she regarded the supposed Queen of Hearts. For someone whom everyone was obviously terrified of, she was rather unimposing. She surveyed the line of playing cards, then said in a low, dangerous voice, "Who has been painting my roses red?"

The cards stiffened and glanced at one another in fear. The Queens gaze narrowed down onto the bucket of paint that Sakura for some reason still held in her hands. The Queen strode forward and said, "And who are you supposed to be?"

Sakura couldn't help but feel a little irritated at being addressed like that, but she swallowed her pride, after all she was in the presence of royalty, and smiled at the Queen. "I'm Sakura Haruno, Queen…um…"

"Konan," the Queen said.

Just then, one of her guards shouted out, "TEAM CONAN!" in a very loud manner, startling all those around him.

"Off with his head," Konan said casually, not looking away from Sakura. "He deserves it for using such an old reference from an issue that has long passed the media's attention."

The guards nodded, and dragged the guard away gravely.

Konan stared at Sakura. "Why did you paint my roses red?"

Sakura blinked. "Um…because, I knew you liked red, and the roses were white, which I knew you wouldn't like."

The Queen nodded, and swirled around to stare at the Three of…Clouds. "Off with his head!" She shouted.

The shark-like card was dragged away, a confused expression on his face.

"Do you play croquet?" the Queen asked Sakura, as she watched the card-shark-man-thingy being dragged away.

"I've never played," Sakura said.

Konan turned back to stare at her, "Well, I guess we'd better change that." She said.

They, that is Sakura, the Queen and King of Hearts, the visiting Kings and Queens, the Knaves, the Guards of Hearts, and surprisingly, Sasori, the White rabbit, puppet in tow, started off towards the croquet grounds.

"Fine day, is it not?" Sasori said to Sakura as they marched in pairs and trios towards the grounds.

"Where's the duchess?" she asked quietly. "I thought that she was going to play croquet with the queen."

"Well, yes," Sasori said. "But, unfortunately Lady Hinata caught the queen cheating, and so was sentenced to beheading."

"What?" Sakura said in alarm, earning her several dirty looks, and her fair share of 'sh's from the courtiers.

"Oh, be quiet Makoto."

"I'm pretty sure I'm not Japanese Sailor Jupiter from Sailor Moon."

"Rukia."

"That's Bleach."

"Ichigo."

"Tokyo Mew Mew."

"…Minney Mouse."

"…Disney."

"Just shut up."

Inner Sakura was screaming to kick his ass, but Sakura ignored her as the party reached the croquet court. It was quite large with twenty-foot tall red arches spread around. Next to them, Sakura could just barely see small, white arches following a completely different pattern. Where the red arches were in a completely straight line, the white arches had a twisting path that encircled the entire garden. She was handed a flamingo, and stood by the queen as the queen selected her mallet. The queen pulled out a long tall emu and jerked it straight. She then pulled out a rubber ball and set it on the ground. "Now then," she said. "Let me explain the rules. We each take turns hitting our individual balls through the hoops, I have the red, you have the white, and whoever reaches the end, hits their ball onto the end stick, and comes back wins."

Sakura couldn't exactly blame Hinata for pointing out cheating; the game was quite obviously rigged in the queen's favor. She wasn't even sure that she could get her ball through the white hoops, they were so tiny. Inner Sakura was seething at the blatant display of cowardice. _**That's ridiculous! **_She exclaimed._** How are you supposed to win like this?**__ I think that's the point, Inner. __**Well, I doubt that she counted on us being ninjas! Muahahahaha! Lets teach that bitch a lesson!**__ But she might be unhappy if we beat her, she could order to have our heads cut off.__** I don't care, it's been a while since we had a good fight. **_

Sakura shrugged, it was true enough, and so she decided to go for it. He heart sank as she was given her ball; it seemed to be made out of solid concrete.

She took a deep breath, and turned to watch the queen line up her ball for her first shot. She swung back and hit the rubber ball as hard as she could. The ball shot off, on a slightly skewed path. To Sakura's amazement, the hoops followed Konan's ball. She squinted, and saw that cards had been laying under the red arches, and then arches and scuttled crablike over to make sure the queens ball made it through. She flushed with indignation, and doubly resolved to beat the queen.

Konan and all of the spectators turned to Sakura. "It's your turn," Sasori told Sakura.

She nodded, and turned to line up her shot. She sent a pulse of chakra through her fists to make her flamingo jerk and stiffen. She nodded, and then summoned up and large portion of chakra, then slammed her fist into the ground, making a line of ground shoot up with the impact, pushing the white hoops up into the air with them. Sakura them slammed the flamingo into her ball, sending it colliding into all of the hoops, for they were to thin for the ball to get through, then, looking like a sideways Saturn, they slammed into the stick, breaking it in two, before continuing on to the wall, where it bounced back into Sakura's waiting hands. (_I/S/A note: I'm pretty sure I just broke about ten laws of physics there. __**Who the hell cares! That was awesome! **__Yes. Yes it was.)_

Sakura turned to the group to see them all standing rigid, staring at her in shock. Konan opened and closed her mouth several times, not being able to say anything. Sakura glanced up to see, to her surprise, the Cheshire Cat grinning eerily at her. She suddenly heard his voice in her ear, saying, "That was a nice display, **your in deep shit now."**

Sakura couldn't help but agree as she watched the queens face turn purple with rage. She swallowed as the queen raise a shaking hand to point at her, then said, "Arrest her!"

* * *

I was shocked when none of you realized that since Hinata was the Duchess, that Konan hadn't made an appearance yet, and I have all other Akatsuki in my story.

So, until next time! (**If there is one!** Inner, stop scaring readers! **It's not like they care, we haven't gotten one death threat! **Maybe that means that they like it so much that they can be patient! **keep telling your self that.** Stop it! They like my story! **Then how come you only get one or two reviews a chapter, and most of them come from only one person who reviews every chapter they read? **Sniff...that hurts. **Good! Don't review so I can continue torturing the author!)**


	11. 11 The Trial Trial

Hey all, long time no see! DON'T HIT MEEEEE! I know, it's been way way waaaay too long to be decent, but I have been reaaaally lazy, so this is the first time I've sat down and started writing in a while. This is, I believe, the final installment in It Ain't a Wonderland. I hope you all have enjoyed the ride, and look forward to any and all reviews.

* * *

Sakura glanced up to see, to her surprise, the Cheshire Cat grinning eerily at her. She suddenly heard his voice in her ear, saying, "That was a nice display, **you're in deep shit now."**

Sakura couldn't help but agree as she watched the queen's face turn purple with rage. She swallowed as the queen raise a shaking hand to point at her, then said, "Arrest her!"

As the guards advanced and surrounded Sakura, spears all pointy and shiny and _pointed right at her _she was completely unable to form any other thought besides _Uh oh._

**Yeah. You can say that again. **Inner, of course was of no help. (I/S/A Note: **Oh no you didn't! **Yes, actually I believe I just did. **I shall enjoy ripping your newly grown balls off of you slowly and painfully.** Heh heh…did I say of no help? I meant of great skill and knowledge. **Damn straight.)**

_Come on, you got me into this mess; you must have some idea on how to get out of it!_** Shut up, I'm working on it! **_Well, work faster! _**Well, when you say it in that tone of voice…no, I don't think I will. **_Oh come on! Fine. I'm sorry, please come up with something. _**Oh very well. You see that play-doh?**_ …yeah…_**Use it. **_AW HELLS NAW! I am not pissing off Bittersweetcrimson by ripping her ideas off. _**You're ripping off Masashi Kishimoto by merely existing in this fan made parody written by an unlicensed third party on a website not recognized by TV Tokyo and it's parent companies. **_…suck up._** One of the best.**

As Sakura continued to have a silent argument with Inner Sakura, the Cuards (I/S/A note: see what I did there? **Shut up, slacker.** I'm not a slacker! **You're playing Pokemon as you write this and you take frequent breaks!**...Back to the story) seized her arms and began to march her into the Palace of the Red Queen. Sakura slowly blinked back into reality and looked around her. She was being dragged down a red painted hall way, with red marble pillars, her feet skimming along fluffy red carpet, while servants garbed in red outfits stared at the procession from doorways. _I think someone likes red…_**No shit.**

They reached the end of the corridor, halting at tall red metal doors decorated with carved figures of stick figures with heart shaped heads and oddly disproportionate bodies. The doors swung open at their approach, opening onto…a court?

The room was at least 100 feet long, and a quarter that wide. The décor followed that of the rest of palace, that is: red, red, RED. The ceiling arched high overhead, with white spires twisting under a blood red ceiling in strange and disorienting designs. As each of the white spires approached the wall, they seemed to fall into an arch, turning into a thicker column upon reaching the floor. The floor was diamond patterned marble, alternating between white and red marble, interrupted down the center by the thick red carpet down which Sakura was currently being dragged.

Sakura shivered despite herself. _This place is creepy_ she thought. She had a point, there were no windows, and right next to what could be considered the witness box was a huge ass guillotine covered in blood stains. **Okay, I don't think we want to be called up to the witness stand** Inner murmured to Sakura. _No kidding._ It took the guards over a minute to drag Sakura down the carpet to the defendants stand, seeing as she wasn't helping them move her, instead just letting her legs drag behind her like a rag doll.

As the Cuards propped Sakura up onto the defendants booth, Sasori came out from behind a tapestry with a large trumpet. He gave one off key toot, and announced, "All rise for the honourable Queen slash Judge Konan."

At once, the courtroom was filled with an assortment of humanoid and animaloid figures (I/S/A note: **Animaloids? Really? Is that best you can do? **Well what am I supposed to call them? **Animals, maybe? **Bah.). Even Sakura, with her ninja senses could not figure out where they all came from. From behind a different tapestry, which wasn't there when Sakura first entered the courtroom, Konan swept in and sat in a huge judges chair, which also seemed to have appeared out of thin air.

She banged a large gavel, and the already silent courtroom became even quieter. "We are here today to try, then sentence and execute one…er…what was your name again?"

"Sakura?" Sakura said confusedly.

"Right, try, then sentence and execute one Sakura for the crime of beating the Queen of Hearts in a game of croquet."

"Hear hear!" Cried the assembled menagerie of spectators.

"Now wait a minute!" Sakura cried out.

"Silence!" cried the Queen, and Sakura received a hard whack on the back of the head. "Nobody being tried is allowed to speak while in the defendants box! Two demerits!"

_Demerits? What is this, scout camp?_** Beats me, **Inner shrugged.

"First witness!" Sasori cried out.

From the crowd came Kakuzu.

_Oh no, _Sakura thought with a groan. _Not this guy again. _**Seems like it, **Inner said, fighting back a laugh.

"State your name and your relationship to the defendant." Sasori said, examining his fingernails with some low amount of interest.

"Kakuzu, and I'm the defendants accountant."

Sakura sputtered in shock, and received another firm whack from her Cuard.

"Accountant?" the Queen said in interest. "You mean she pays taxes?"

"No your Majesty," Kakuzu said imperiously. "She already owes me 500 thousand for my services, with interest, of course, and she hasn't paid any of it!"

A shocked gasp went through the people/animals watching, and they all turned to glare at Sakura.

"Do you have anything to say about this assertion?" Konan asked Sakura coldly.

"Well…ouch!" Sakura was hit once more.

"No talking from the defendant!" Konan growled at her.

_Oh this is so not fair. _**You're telling me.**

"Is that it?" Konan was asking Kakuzu.

"Yes," he said boredly.

"Very well, you may go."

Kakuzu hopped off the witness stand and wandered off into the crowd.

"Next witness!" cried Sasori.

A silence permeated the crowd.

"I said, next witness!"

Silence.

"Anybody?"

"Hn."

Sakura groaned at the sound. She knew that sound.

Slowly, very slowly, a small form wormed…excuse me, _made_ its way through the gathered forms to approach the witness stand. It climbed up one side and perched on the edge of the witness stand, plain for all to see.

"Name and relation to the defendant?" Sasori said, back to his nails.

"Itachi."

"Relationship?"

"Not likely."

"No, I mean, how do you know the defendant?"

"I don't."

"...Then why are you here?"

"Because I give her advice." At this Itachi pulled out his purple nail polish and began to polish his fingernails.

"So…you do know the defendant."

"Not in the slightest."

"Alright, someone get him out of here."

As the Cuards took Itachi away, he murmered to Sakura, "I warned you to keep your temper."

Sakura glared at him as he passed. _Some help that was._ **Hn. **_Itachi? Is that you? _**No, but gotcha! **_Ha ha ha._

"Let's continue to the next witness." Sasori said, still a bit thrown off by Itachi.

"Oh, oh! That's Tobi! That's Tobi!" a loud voice squealed excitedly.

"Contrariwise," another voice spoke up. "It is my turn, yeah."

"Just, one or both you come up," Sasori said tiredly. "Lets just get this over with."

And out came Tweedle- Dei and Tweedle- Dumb. Surprise surprise.

"Names?" Sasori obviously was done with the whole affair.

"I'm Tweedle-Dei, yeah, and this is..."

"Tobi's name is Tobi!"

"No, stupid, you're Tweedle-Dumb!"

"Senpai, why are you so meeeaannn?"

With that Tobi ran off crying. Tweedle-Dei rolled his eyes and skipped off, presumably to go comfort him, but you never know with those two.

"Compelling evidence," Konan murmered, and the crowd agreed.

Sakura groaned. Everyone here was completely INSANE.

"Who is the next witness, Sasori?" The queen demanded.

Sasori read his name off the list, and the crowd gasped.

"And what do you have to say?"

"She stole the identity of my maid, and destroyed my home." Sasori said.

"Did not!" _Whack._

"Shocking, just shocking." Konan said, shaking her head. "Next witness!"

"Um, she's dead your majesty, you chopped off her head."

"Oh…next next witness!"

"He's not here."

"what? Why not?"

"He's getting a piercing."

"Oh, he figured out why a raven's like a writing desk?"

"Yes. Apparently Poe wrote on both."

"Oh…huh."

"Yes, and that was our last witness."

"Excellent, does the defendant have anything to say on her behalf?"

"Well…ouch!"

"That is your final warning! No speaking on the witness stand!"

"Now," Konan raised herself up, "I shall confer with the jury and rule on your guilt…The jury is in, and you are guilty."

Sakura, without even being able to say one thing, was dragged out of the defendants box, and over to the large guillotine.

"Any last words?" The queen asked her, tugging on a executioners hood.

"Yes, since I'm not in the defendants box, I'm now allowed to speak."

The queen paused. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"Just answer one question."

"Very well."

"What do the red clouds mean?"

"You know what they mean."

"No I don't!" Sakura protested.

"Yes you do, it means it's getting late." With that, the queen tugged on the rope and Sakura woke up.

She sat up from where she lay, looking around in shock. She was sitting under a tall oak tree in the fire country.

…_A dream…? _**Seems like it, stupid. **_Shut up._

She got up shakily, and dusted herself off. She glanced up to see a orange sky with brilliant red clouds drifting into the horizon. _Sunset._

The End.

* * *

Well, there you have it. Mystery solved, all is well. Now, I command you, REVIEW!


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